


the pill scene

by mdizzee



Series: stills from the island [2]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: 1x06, Angst, Character Study, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Heavy Angst, I devoured this show, Internalized Homophobia, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:02:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28158006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdizzee/pseuds/mdizzee
Summary: It's the pill scene. Toni is dying and Shelby loses her grip on things.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Series: stills from the island [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064456
Comments: 35
Kudos: 369





	the pill scene

**Author's Note:**

> I literally tore through this series in a single day wtaf. It's unfathomably good. This is the first fit of a series detailing their moments together.

Toni is completely slack in Leah’s arms, shuddering as vomit rises in her throat. Her head feels impossibly heavy, clouded with fever, and God, she’s actually scared. She knows that if she could bear to open her eyes in the harsh sunlight, she’d see the dread in the other’s faces; if she looked, she knows she’d only confirm the deadliness of her situation. She squeezes her eyes shut, wills herself to start fighting off whatever little evil was hidden in those damn mussels, but her thoughts are moving so infuriatingly slowly, her head pounding so viciously. It would be so easy to relax, to slip into unconsciousness, and part of her just wants to get it over with and speed up the inevitable. A fittingly painful end for a painful life.

She groans; a fresh wave of retching. She can’t focus on what the others are saying, only has the vague notion that they’re arguing about her. Their voices are sickeningly loud, overstimulating; she wishes that she could tell them to shut up, but her mouth is so dry and her throat so raw that it seems an impossible task. They’re yelling now, a crescendo of panicked voices and she’s too confused, she has to look. She cracks open her eyes and it takes a moment to focus on the blur in front of her before she recognises it as Shelby, sitting much too close. For a moment, the fear dissipates as it’s replaced with irritation; she’d be so utterly fucked off if the last thing she saw before she died was Shelby’s overly-earnest face. Shelby’s speaking to her, trying to give her something, but even in this malleable state, Toni would rather die than accept help from her.

With Herculean effort she manages to speak, loading it with as much venom as possible.

‘Get away from me’

It still comes out a pathetic croak. Shelby’s jaw clenches. Toni fades for a moment and she leans back into Leah, lets the others fight around her. She’s mumbling but she can’t quite tell if she’s making sense; they need to understand that she won’t, can’t, take anything from Shelby. She’s just about to pass out when Shelby yells something, and suddenly she’s pinned to the ground. Shelby’s straddling her and, God, that bitch, she’s pinched off her nose to make Toni open her mouth. Toni struggles against her, hands scrabbling for her shoulders, but she’s too fucking weak to throw her off and she needs to breathe so badly and it’s so grossly infuriating she wants to cry. She forces herself to focus, to conserve breath, and she can feel Shelby shift her weight so now she’s fully on top of her, strands of hair tickling Toni’s face. The shift throws Toni off guard and she goes lax for a second and fuck, Shelby’s pressing something into her mouth, forcing it between her teeth as she tries to take a breath. The pill tastes of soil and before she can spit it out Shelby clamps a hand over her fucking mouth. She’s too exhausted to fight her off; Shelby has an iron grip on her jaw and a hand tangled in her hair and she can feel her breath on her ear as she tells her to swallow the f-

Even in her fevered state, Toni is surprised by Shelby cursing. She swallows the pill.

///

Later, when the fever dies out and her head clears, Toni sits by the fire. She’s still angry at Shelby, now for forcing the pill onto her and not Martha, the infinitely better life to save. She’s not grateful; she knows Shelby was just trying to be the hero, to redeem herself in the eyes of the group. And yet, she can’t quite stop replaying the moment; the intensity in Shelby’s eyes as she held her down. If she thinks about it hard enough, goosebumps raise on her neck where Shelby’s breath had been, hot and fast and electric. 

///

Stubborn, exasperating, rude Toni is dying. Shelby is wired from the adrenaline of a morning spent frantically trying to help every one of the others, but her positivity is outpaced by the foreboding that diffuses through her when she sees Toni from across the beach. She’s so utterly tired of the constant conflict, the inexplicable friction between them, but it doesn’t stop her from feeling sick to her gut as Toni lolls about in Leah’s arms, deathly grey, and Shelby’s seen enough of the ill and downtrodden to know that the situation is dire. She silently curses the bravado that led Toni to eat so many of those stupid shellfish and sprints over, snatching the pill off a disorientated Dot. They’ve sat Toni up and her breathing is shallow, her unfocused eyes half shut.

‘Okay, Toni- I’m gonna need you to take this’

Shelby slips so easily into the role of the pious carer. It’s second nature by now, an unshakeable habit. 

Toni finally makes eye contact with her. They’re close; kissing distance, the voice in the back of her mind says. Toni speaks through gritted teeth.

‘Get away from me’

Being godly is hard sometimes. She begs the Lord to bestow some patience on her.

‘If I put this in your hand, can you take it?’

Toni is painfully stubborn. The others are shouting at her and the energy of the group is becoming frenzied, frantic. Dot’s face is all wound up with tension and Fatin is flapping and Leah grunts as she fights to keep Toni upright and Shelby feels her grip on the situation loosening and it’s an alien feeling. 

‘Christ, am I not allowed to help her?’

Before she knows what she’s doing she closes the distance between Toni and her and straddles her waist. She leans forward and pinches Toni’s nostrils hard, asking the Lord to forgive her for the satisfaction she’s getting from making Toni shut the fuck up. Her pulse pounds in her ears as Toni struggles beneath her, and she shifts her weight so that she’s heavier on her, pressed against her harder, and Shelby feels charged, red-hot as her fingers force the pill into Toni’s mouth and clamp over her lips, while her other hand stills her by tangling in her hair. She lowers her mouth so her lips brush Toni’s ear. It’s accidental, spur-of-the-moment; she’s barely in control, acting on base instinct.

‘Swallow the fucking pill’

Curse words are crude and unnecessary. But she’s too agitated, too excited. Toni swallows, finally, and Shelby loosens her grip. Now that she’s completed the task, she’s unsure of herself and suddenly she’s acutely aware of all the points of contact between them, and Toni smells so good, and her skin crackles like a livewire, and they’re still so close, and it’s too much, way too much, so she leaps off her and staggers away.

///

Shelby stashes herself away behind a boulder, pressing her back into the cool stone. She’s still breathing hard and she has the cross of her necklace pressed to her lips. She needs her Lord to speak to her, to tell her what to do, but in this crucial moment her religion chooses to offer no solace. Soft lips. Hot, shuddering breaths. Toni, fucking Toni. She shivers and prays, but there is no catharsis.

**Author's Note:**

> Not to be a beg but I love getting comments they're literally so motivating please and thanks Xx  
> 


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